


Losing Control

by Armin_Phantomhive



Category: Free!
Genre: Anger, Anger Management, Angst, Breakup, Fluff, Happy Ending?, Hurt, JUST TALK TO EACHOTHER, M/M, Misunderstandings, Multi, Polyamory, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-24
Updated: 2017-01-24
Packaged: 2018-09-19 16:25:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,821
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9450197
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Armin_Phantomhive/pseuds/Armin_Phantomhive
Summary: Communication is key in any relationship.Three people with unspoken words almost results in everything spiraling out of control.Will they ever be able to repair things and be happy or will misunderstandings lead to everything falling apart forever.





	

Ai never meant for this. He didn't even see it coming. Randomly Sousuke came crashing into his life and Ai was hit with a shit load of feelings he didn't know how to sort out. At first, he had purely admired the man's body. He was strong, tan, handsome and pretty much was sex on legs. That wasn't the issue here, though. Ai was human and he couldn't deny physical beauty when he saw it. Where it gets bad is when feelings started to develop, I mean he wasn't only hot, but he was kind, generous, masculine and oh god his SMILE. It was that damned smile that pushed Ai's feelings from a silly crush to love. Sousuke thought he was being kind when he smiled at him softly, but he was unknowingly creating turmoil in the heart of the other. Ai tried so hard to just push his feelings and any thoughts of the boy to the back of his mind, but as Rin spent more and more time with him so did Ai and it soon became impossible to deny the way he felt. Usually, he would just go and ask the beautiful man out, but he couldn't. He couldn't because he already had a boyfriend. A boyfriend who was also sexy and kind and perfect in every way. Ai loved him so so much and his love for Sousuke didn't mean he loved Rin any less. He was head over heals for both boys. If you asked Ai a year ago if it was possible to be in love with more than one person at a time he would have instantly proclaimed no. That love was an intimacy only for two. Oh, how wrong he had proven himself. He could not have both of them and he knew that. So he decided to have neither. Rin deserved all his love and he should be the only one to ever receive it, even tho he never kissed or flirted with Sousuke in any way he felt as if he was cheating on Rin. He didn't deserve Rin or Sousuke and now every time Ai saw them he was filled to the brim with unwarranted guilt. 

This isn't right, Rin deserves better. Ai didn't deserve him so he was going to give him up. He had no intention of dating Sousuke after this or anyone else as a matter of fact. He shouldn't date anyone if he can't control his emotions enough to stay faithful. 

Ai was sitting on Rin's bunk waiting for him to get back from his run. Sousuke was out with his friends at the time and even in separate rooms, Ai was able to keep track of Rins running schedules. He looked at the clock and his heart sank. Rin should be back soon, normally Ai would be excited and happy about his boyfriend's return, but this time he was dreading it. 

He heard the rustling of keys and he swore his heart physically stopped. He shifted on the bed until landing crisscross applesauce with a pillow in his lap and his folded hands laying in it.  
Rin walked in, but the air in the room was filled with silence, which automatically concerned. Normally he would be greeted with a welcome back, but today, nothing.  
He looked over at his bunk and saw Ai staring down at his hands as if they were the most interesting thing in the world. Not even looking up when Rin sat down next to him.

"Oi, Ai what's wrong?" Ai shuffled a little and coughed to make sure his voice would sound normal 

"We. Ummmm we need to talk." Ai looked up and he saw Rin scrunch his eyebrows in confusion and then shuffled on the bed the same way Ai had done minutes ago.  
"Well, when someone says that it either means they are pregnant or breaking up with someone." Ai looked down and huffed a laugh.

"I wish I was pregnant" he whispered. He didn't want to see the look on Rin's face when he realized that it wasn't a joke. It was silent for a long time. It wasn't comfortable or awkward silence, but painful. The one where you pretty much hear the other person fighting to mind the right words. Ai thought of a thousand things to say the only one seeming right is sorry. Even then his mouth was shut tight he tried to force it up his throat and out his mouth, but not even air came out. In the silence, the sound of the clock ticking seemed deafening. 

"Why? Why are you doing this?" Ai could feel the heartbreak in his love's voice and he craved for the silence to return. 

"You shouldn't. You just-" Ai cut himself off with a sigh and composed himself before he continued.

"You can't trust me." He heard Rin growl.

"YOU HAVE BEEN CHEATING ON ME?!" Rin yelled in disbelief. He couldn't comprehend what he was hearing, he knew that Ai and Sousuke had a connection but he has known for a fact that they weren't doing anything. Sousuke promised to wait til they were all together. So who. Who the fuck is it?

"NO!" Ai's head shot up and he grabbed Rin's hands. 

"I-I'm just scared that I might!" That sounded so much better in his head. Rin slowly pulled his hands out of Ai's. The loss of contact made Ai's chest feel heavy, but it's something he should probably get used to. He was going to be alone for a long time. 

"Who?" Rin growled. More of a demand than a question.

"R-Rin It's not import-" 

"BULLSHIT! WHO IS IT AI? IM GOING TO KICK THEIR ASS!" Rin stood up from The bed and was pacing around the room. 

"Is it Sousuke?" Even though his voice was still pained he was hopeful. Maybe it was all a misunderstanding. You see Sousuke and Rin both loved each other and they both loved Ai. They had planned to confess to the smaller boy today and see how he felt. If he was comfortable then all three of them could share their love together. If not Sousuke wouldn't interfere with the relationship the others already built together.   
Ai was unaware of all this. His only thought was. Yes. Yes, I'm in love with Sousuke, but I will never admit to it. Not out loud. He is your best friend and I don't need to ruin two relationships. One is more than enough.

"No! It's not like I'm going to do anything with them! They don't even know!" Ai tried his best to sound offended by the accusation. Rin stopped and breathed.

"So if you're not going to do anything why the fuck are you doing this to me?! It's not a crime to get a crush every now and then!" 

Ai was crying now. He could barely explain what was going on to himself he couldn't figure out how to say it out loud. He didn't want to say it out loud. He didn't want it to be real.

"That's the thing". Ai said, retreating his eyes to look back at his hand. It's not a crush.

"I love him." 

Rin felt like all the breath was knocked out him. He couldn't breathe and before he knew it he was crying. 

He thought that him, Ai and hopefully Sousuke would spend their lives together. Even if it ended up just Ai and him he felt as if he would be the happiest man ever. Now he didn't have his Ai. He loved someone else. 

"leave..." Rin whispered. He couldn't deal with this. He wasn't about to break down in front of Ai. Ai didn't deserve to him like that. 

"I still love you I just don't want to end up hurting yo-" Ai's plea for understands was cut off again. 

"LEAVE! GET THE FUCK OUT! YOU ALREADY HURT ME! YOU AREN'T MY BOYFRIEND! YOU ARE A STRANGER TO ME! SO GET THE FUCK OUT!" Rins hands were shaking. He was in so much pain and the only way he knew how to respond with was anger. Scream until you are no longer the one that is hurt. Yell so loud that you couldn't hear your thoughts. Keep going Till your out of breath and your fingers and heart are numb to all touch. Rin pretty much ripped the door from its hinges as he tore it open. Once the door handle slammed into the wall it created a hole, but it was currently the least of his worries. Ai stood up to leave but just stood there for a long moment. 

He didn't want to leave, but he didn't deserve to stay. He wanted to explain make Rin understand that he still loved him and that he never wanted to hurt him. He wasn't sure what his plan was when he himself could barely grasp. So he left. He ran quickly out the dorm and out the school and he didn't stop. He felt the burning in his legs and chest telling him to slow down and breath, but he didn't. He could endure at least this little pain because it was nothing compared to what Rin was feeling. The combination of heavy breathing from physical and mental strain was making him light headed and he knew if he didn't stop soon he would be on the floor without his consent due to lack of oxygen. So he stopped running let himself fall down from dizziness and exhaustion. 

Dammit. Dammit. Dammit.   
He realized he had no ideas where he was only that the bitter cold and darkness was welcome. He wanted it to consume him so he could just lay forever until the cold became so cold that it became warm and he would then float away. Despite his desire and the empty feeling in his chest, he knew eventually the sun would come up and then when he returned in shame he didn't need it lighten up for the whole world to see. 

He's sure the screaming coming from Rins room would be the talk of the school tomorrow already. Walls were thin and curiosity was big. After sobbing into the sky for about an hour Ai assumed it was around 1:00 in the morning at this point, way past curfew. 

Was it a mistake? Should he have never told Rin? He thought he was doing the right thing. That Rin could take some comfort in the thought that Ai was at least honest, but nothing in Rin was feeling comfort or any emotion that would bring about joy. Not telling the truth would have been selfish. Ai sighed pushing himself up to sit. His face was raw from rubbing away angry tears with his sleeve, the constant friction making the skin burn. 

As he pushed himself up he almost feels back again. He never knew his emotions could make him so physically weak. His joints felt stiff from the cold but forced himself to move anyway. He told himself this pain was nothing compared to what Rin must feel. Ai never wanted this. Fuck he hates feelings. It was feelings tearing him down now and it was feelings that made Rin hurt it was feelings that made him fall for Sousuke. He cursed them to hell and wish he didn't have to feel them anymore as he pushed open the school door. The hallway lights were dim but with the pounding in his silver-haired head, they seemed blinding. Ai squinted and tears fell free but he made no noise. He wasn't sure if it was because of the lights or how numb he suddenly felt. He could feel his body shaking as the heat from the school started to thaw his skin. 

When he arrived at his dorm he pushed it open quite as can be, he didn't want Rin to hear somehow. Even though he doubted it was possible. Once the door was closed softly behind him a huge gasp-making Ai jump slightly and spin around. 

"OH MY GOD AI! Where were you! I was so worried! I also-" Momo cut himself seeing how Ai's entire body shook. 

"Are you okay?" Ai couldn't find the strength to speak so he shook his head no and held his arms out like a child who wanted to be picked up and held. Instantly Momo ran and dove into the embrace. The tears that stung the back of his eyes came flowing again and even harder than before. God, had he not run out by now?   
"M-m-Momo, I- fuck! I-I messe- I messed up. I messed u-u-up s-so ba-" Majority of Ai's words didn't make sense but it was okay cause all Momo needed to know was that his friend was falling apart and he wasn't going to let him go.

Ai clung to the fabric of the other's shirt as he buried his hollows of sorrow into his friend's shoulder. He was so grateful for his friend. At first, when he meet him it was a bitter occasion. Rin and Nitori kissed softly and slowly engulfed in each other. Only each other. They were disappointed that they were going to lack all the privileges that came with sharing a room, but Rin was happy to be back with his best friend and well Ai was happy as long as Rin was. When Ai first met the bubbly redhead he was Instantly overpowered by the strong personality. It took about a month before he got accustomed to there never being silence or privacy. Once he accepted the ball of energy they slowly got closer. Momo had the same kind caring warmth his older brother had but showed it in a very different way. Considering the fact that Ai wasn't really all that popular Momo became his best friend easily. As Ai had approached the room he held his breath in hope that Momo would be asleep so he could collapse in bed and push everything away, but now as the boy rubbed his back and spoke soothingly to him he considered himself lucky. Ai had calmed enough now happy he could get it out, now that he screamed his voice hoarse he was unbelievably tired and cold. Ai pulled away sniffling and blew his nose into a tissue Momo offered to him. The soft tissue felt like sandpaper against his burning skin. 

"Okay, bedtime," Momo said softly pushing Ai to the bed. His heart sank slightly, even though his body was screaming for sleep he knew his mind would win over and that his night would be spent with unwanted thoughts and tears. Momo forced him to sit on the bed and gathers extra blankets from his mattress. He wrapped Nitori up in about three before he was content with the amount of warmth being provided. He ran off to the bathroom coming back with lotion in his hands for the rash forming on Ai's face. Ai cringed away at the contact.

"Come on, if you cooperate I might give a lollipop." Ai turned his face but only to smile half-heartedly at the others joke and tough trough the sting of the cream. Momo went and returned the contents to their proper place and flicked off the lights. 

Ai instantly felt his chest grow heavy. He didn't want to be alone in the dark with his thoughts because he knew where it led too. He felt abandoned even though he had no right to whatsoever. Momo had taken care of him and pampered him and asked nothing in return, not even an explanation. Yet it's not enough for you? Fucking spoiled brat. Nothing is ever enough for you, huh? Rin wasn't either. You betrayed him and look where you are now. You will probably do the same to Momo cause your not only a shitty boyfriend but a shitty friend. Just as he presumed his head went off on its own, saying how he truly felt and he didn't have any strength to push away the truth. When his mind started beating at him again he felt a dip in the bed next to him and a body a little smaller than his body push against his side. Momo pulled his laptop on his lap and opened it blinding them both for a moment. 

"We are watching Tangled and you get no say in it." For the first time, today and probably the last time for a while Ai pulled a genuine smile as he rested his head on Momos shoulder. 

"Thank you..." Ai whispered in a soft voice but was shushed by the other boy who now went on to explain the entire plot of the movie and spoil everything. Ai didn't really mind though it was the perfect distraction for his mind do he could finally close his eyes and drift off into much-needed sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> There will be more chapters so please give me feedback and tell me what you think so it can inspire me! Comments honestly make my day. 
> 
> I wasn't planning on Momo having such a big part, but I kinda got carried away. I promise Sou will be in the next chapter as well.   
> Thank you for reading!!
> 
> I also if you were confused by the line about Ai getting colder until he got warm it refers to when you have hypothermia. Right before you die from it your body gets extremely hot.


End file.
